Burning bridges

Well I finally stopped debating and took some action.

I have left the Clerics Guild for good.
I wrote a farewell note, which I handed to Scyber to send to the Guild as a whole, I packed up all of my things from the guild building and I left.
(I still have my island, and will keep it until I can find another quiet spot to make a natural haven in.)

I realised the only thing keeping me was the people.
I had lost all faith in the stability of realm, the likelihood of anything happening for UK timed people, my search for the natural in the 'realm of castles' and my ability to work with the 'free' roleplay model.
So my heart wasn't truly there anymore. Better to have a cleric who still has faith to lead.
So I say farewell to Parlamay, my created Goddess, and hope that she ends up in safe hands.
I say farewell to all the wonderful clerics who I have had the honour of being with over this year,
and as I approach my Rez day, I look at how I might find future inspiration in Second Life.

Anyone with any ideas?

Freedom

Last night I was inworld for a cleric meeting. It was to be a speakers meeting with our new Divine Emissary Scyber Magne, to go over various Guild things and plan ahead.
Malakyte, Scyber, Alphonsus and myself attended.

I must say it was great to see Alph again after so long, even if it was to see him cut down his involvement in the guild and step down as Emissary.

Anyway it became apparent soon that the meeting was going to take a different tack, when we discovered that the new dark realm ruler Sarin had started his own cleric group, with 9 members worshiping 5 dark Gods who don't even appear in our Pantheon. Then we also discovered that the founder of the group was the realm queen Leanne.

I have spoken briefly to Sarin in the past about another issue, and he seemed OK, just having fun roleplaying and doing his evil thing.
However he has a very different view of the realm than I do I suspect. His world is driven mainly by him, he plays the moment, not the game as a whole, 'If it feels right, go with it'. I guess he's a shootem up player, rather than a strategist.
I tend to over think things, look at the intricacies of the world, feel the threads that bind us and try and strengthen them. I have always played strategy and puzzle games.
I would love to know how the realm leaders play Triskele.

It has always been billed as a freer place than Everwind was, in fact Leanne recently told me in plain words that all Guilds were instructed to NOT copy Everwind in any way.
And yet Guilds were formed, and encouraged to develop and make rules and guidelines and get people involved in 'group belonging', not just individual roleplay.
I was asked to help out, despite wanting to be just a plain acolyte again, and I agreed (foolishly or not)
So for the last 4 months or so, Alph, Mal and I have been working hard to make the guild, form orders, recruit clerics, write spell lists, create Pantheons, provide a place for worship, decide ranks, make tasks etc, etc,... which we have been hard at work doing.

So the question is this. Have we got it wrong?
Is what they want in Triskele a truly free roleplay? one driven by the individual, free to do as they please. Anarchic, independent, dynamic, ever changing and unbound.
Or is it one where the individual is guided by the group? Ordered, loyal, steady, joined by friendship and boundaries, honourable.

One is very different from the other, both can be great in their own ways, both with brilliance and flaws.

If the first is what is wanted, then we have wasted the last 4 months setting boundaries that were not required.
If so, then the Clerics can be freed, to roam where they will *chuckles* do as they please, worship whomever they choose, and I can head off into the ether and find my nature Goddess somewhere else.

Thinking of loved ones

Two people who are very dear to me are seriously ill right now.

One is a young man, father of two, who was due for an operation next week, but due to the serious nature of his illness will now be going for his operation on Friday.

The other is a very old man, who's frail body is slowly giving in, despite his mind being as alert as ever.

I cannot help either of them, other than offer love and support.
This is life.
Full of sorrow and happiness, health and sickness in equal measure, harsh and cruel as well as beautiful.
The past weeks have brought this home hard. I recognise this, but its still difficult to deal with sometimes, our individual insignificance in the nature of the world as a million sorrows are played out under the sky.

Tonight is Beltane, my favorite festival of the year, a time to light the fires for the coming summer, a time of love and fertility, the promise of things to come.
But what awaits us I wonder, as we stride or stumble forward, perhaps the Gods and Mother Nature know.
The path ahead doesn't seem as bright this year.

Decisions

So, I have made some important choices, which hopefully sort things out a little.
I wont be leaving SL altogether, simply cutting down my time there.
I have sent a note out to the order asking if anyone would be interested in becoming Speaker , or if anyone wishes to suggest another person they think suitable. Already I have received a couple of suggestions.
I will stay and get the new person or persons set up, and will remain as a cleric of Triskele and Parlamay, but be able to cut down the time inworld.
I have had a request to hold a cleric meeting, as I think that those in the guild want to know whats happening. But as I have been away I am not sure myself what the status is with our Divine Emissary and the guild. I will try and get inworld a bit this weekend and find out.
I have a small island in Triskele which I have been landscaping, and I think Wren will most likely become a kind of 'cleric of the isle', helping those who visit and quietly growing herbs and sitting by the fire *smiles*

Moving on

I thought I should let you all know that I am seriously considering giving up on Second Life all together.
I have always had a bit of a love/hate relationship with the place, and as the summer gets nearer and the days get longer, I feel the need to spend my free time outside rather than on the computer.
I have been feeling stressed at the idea of coming inworld, and a lot of the fun seems to have gone. I have enough worry in my real life without adding to it with my second life.
There are other reasons of course, and many things and people will be sad to say goodbye to, and part of me feels gut-wrenchingly sad at the thought of leaving, but I thought you should all know how I am thinking at the moment.
Still thinking it through though.
Wren

Brief note from holiday

Greetings all from my fancy hotel!
They have Internet connection in the lobby, so I couldn't resist a wee note to you all.
The hotel is all business suits and briefcases so unfortunately we don't fit in as we are all walking boots and woolly jumpers, but the breakfast is good and they have a small pool so the kids are happy.
We seem to have crammed in a million things in the last few days and my feet ache, but we have all had fun.
Back home tomorrow and back to work on Friday... boo.
See you all soon.
Wren

I have had a couple of meetings in SL the last few weeks with a most interesting person. His SL name is Soren Ferlinghetti, and I referred briefly to his survey in a previous post.
He is an Assistant Professor of Religious Studies at Manhattan College, and has been doing some research into virtual worlds, religion and AI.
I have really enjoyed discussing our world with him, he has prompted me to look closely at what I do in SL, what I believe in in RL and how these things meld together (or not), and he seems like a nice guy too.
If your interested you can take his survey here:

http://home.manhattan.edu/~robert.geraci/SLSurvey.html

it only takes a short time to do, you don't have to be religious to do it and the results could be most revealing.
I think he has missed out a few questions which I would be interested in exploring, however the idea's in it are good.

I suspect I will be blogging about some of the things he has got me thinking about soon.
I really like getting a bit of brain ache looking at all this *chuckles*

Off on holiday with the family for a few days now, see you all soon!