The coming year..

I am feeling pretty low tonight, and the prospect of another year doesn't really thrill me to be honest.
I guess it is a combination of RL and SL things, all happening together that brings me to this point.
I don't want to elaborate, but thats just the way it is

Triskele

Well it seems that many people from Everwind are migrating to Triskele, and I can see why. It is 5 sims big, well set up for roleplay, it seems relaxed and friendly....and yet....for me, its missing something.
I was trying to put my finger on it last night, as I wandered around, and the best way to describe it is to say its a bit like a housing estate for castles.
Now I don't want to seem overly critical, because there are some beautiful builds there, but it just doesn't feel 'natural' enough for me.
Everyone.. rangers,fighters, mages etc.. seem to inhabit huge castles in different sims. In-between these there are residential houses, and cottages, interspersed with trees and green spaces. But the green spaces feel like village greens or city parks, rather than the countryside. I was hoping that at least one sim, would be just forest or mountains or similar. Perhaps its because of the way it is set up, with rental places, that they need to put the houses in everywhere and open spaces would be a waste of money. I don't know.
I hope that people don't stay locked in their guild castles, interacting with their own 'clans'. I haven't really found any central meeting places yet, but then I haven't explored the whole place, perhaps they are just around the corner.
I will definitely be roleplaying there sometimes, but still am looking for that special place.
All suggestions welcome!

Endings and beginnings

Well Everwind has come to an end, the doors are closing and we will be no more. Alphonsus describes what has happened, better than I ever could, in his blog 'The Fall of Everwind". If you want details I suggest you look there.
Me, I paid a final farewell yesterday, picked up my things from the Apothecary, weeded the herb garden one last time, and left, never to return.
There is sadness at this and a feeling of being a little lost in SL again. It has helped however that I now have my own small patch, separate from the realm, a stable place to call home.
I have a fire to sit at with friends, a small garden and a treehouse, who's fate is determined by me and me alone. (unless a ruthless 'land bot' comes along and sweeps it aside, like what has sadly happened to my neighbour, a tragic story for another post I think)

I have begun, with friends, to explore some other RP places, such as Triskele, Aglarond and Azuria. We started by getting lost in the caves of Aglarond, fruitlessly looking for the pub in Triskele, and then a vague lonely wander in Azuria. I have no idea where I might settle, or what I am looking for, but its early days.
Also I killed of my Everwind Alt, as she is no longer needed, she was fun but made for EW and without it, she doesn't have a place. So no-one should have to taste her interesting soups ever again.

Wren also seems to have changed, back to the slightly more ranger like person she was when she arrived in EW, free from any responsibility. It will be interesting to see how she adapts to new places and which direction she takes.
I'll keep you updated.

Life in the garden

Age verification is coming to Everwind, to ensure the safety of minors and to protect the owners of the realm from litigation.
However, it will, sadly, mean that many players will be lost , either through choice not to verify or through inability to verify due to technical or practical difficulties.
I have managed to verify, remarkably easily and with little fuss, and I am not to bothered about security (after all my own government just lost a disk with my address, children's ages and names, and my bank account details on it, which is much worse). I don't have any money for anyone to steal anyway.
I understand why Grace and Slip have decided to do this, and respect their decision, and yet I am wondering if I will stay or not.
The thing which has me thinking, is a message from the Queen of Everwind and sim owner, on the forum board about this issue.
It reads:
"I appreciate a great deal that you love and play in Everwind so faithfully. But I have to tell you, while that's all well and good...I ain't willing to put myself or the safety of a minor out there on a limb so you can have a place to play. Your threats to leave or your "disappointment" over this decision are not going to score you any points. Everwind has never been about traffic or dwell or income (obviously) or even entertaining other people. It has always been about my need to create and our desire to see people appreciate it. I'm not here for you....and you are not here for me. Everyone of us are in this for themselves. Other than your avatar, I don't know you people. Anymore than you know me. You are essentially strangers...why on earth do you think I have some obligation to ensure your experience in Second Life is pleasant? Do you ensure mine?"

This whole episode is extremely sad, and this posting by the Queen I find deeply upsetting. I will allow that the posting was made in anger and frustration, however it seems to say that the people of the realm don't matter, that she has made this place for her own gratification and to show off to people, like a show garden at a festival.
I know gardens like this, perfect, neat, cleverly planted, wisely pruned, yet devoid of life.
And while they may look good, they lack a heart, a life beat. There is no bird song, no buzzing of bees, no richly coloured butterflies.
I come to Everwind to be with people, not just to appreciate its beauty, and the people of the realm are more important to me than the virtual 'bricks and mortar'.
The Queen has 'no obligation to ensure my experience is pleasant', but I would hope that she had the heart to care about the other human beings who are here. And I have no obligation to Everwind either, and yet I do feel that I wish others to enjoy themselves here, otherwise I wouldn't spend hours and hours teaching acolyte classes, writing about virtual herbs, creating quests and dealing with enquiries. If I didn't care, I just wanted to play things my way, I wouldn't do these things, I certainly don't do them for personal gain or gratification, I don't want everyone to think how great Wren is, I just want fellow beings to have the chance to experience something wonderful.
The world that has been created in Everwind by the King and Queen, is also created by all who dwell here, we all make up the whole.
I love this place, and I recognise all that they have given to us, in time, money and effort, and believe me it is appreciated, but I don't know if I want to be in a perfect place where the 'wildlife' is seen as an ornament to, rather than a part of, the garden.

Being real in an unreal world

I was having a talk with a close SL friend last night, about the nature of reality.(as you do!) and it got me thinking about all sorts of things.
Why? being the foremost of these questions... and the one that prompted the discussion in the first place.
Why are we all in Second Life? What are we looking for? Is it just a game? or more...

My guess is its different for us all, and perhaps some people would rather not think about it at all, but it has me wondering.
My friend suggested that we might be missing something in our RL, that we can find that in our virtual lives. Perhaps its the company of others?, acceptance, fun, excitement, creativity, consumerism, wealth, desire, or even..dare I say it ..love?
What ever it is, if its an emotional thing we are looking for, can we truly get it in the virtual world?
How can we truly know the people we interact with? are our emotional reactions genuine?.

This goes double in a roleplay environment. A character in a RP may behave differently from the person playing that character, as can the RL person playing the SL person, who plays the RP person...(reads this again and thinks hard)

For example: The other day an Acolyte contacted me because they were unsure of the direction they were going within the order. I met up with this person and had a long heart to heart conversation with them, we mulled over the problems and found a way forward. At the end of it, I felt genuinely very warm towards this person, and pleased and happy that we seemed to have sorted the problems out together.
My RL self, had a genuine feeling of happiness....and yet, I have no idea if I really helped this person. Perhaps it was just an act, that they knew exactly what they wanted, and playing the 'game', with me was part of the fun. After all, Wren is not me, she also is a fantasy construct, and part of our RP 'game'....perhaps my genuine feeling was based solely on a false occurrence.....what does that say about me?
Is this deeply disturbing? my friend would probably have me committed!

Strangely in this SL roleplaying world, where we can be who or whatever we want, my character Wren, is actually a lot like me. She's practical, creative, kind, a teacher, friendly and slightly shy.
I wonder if we are actually all playing little parts of ourselves in here, interacting with little parts of others from around the world, and that even if your dressed up as a fairy, a dragon, a mermaid or even a tiny panda, its the way you behave with others that shows some little thing about your RL self.
Perhaps.. and I hope this is true....when we have an emotional response to a situation in the virtual world..the genuine parts of ourselves that are involved, make those emotions valid.

(rubs the wrinkles from her forehead at all this deep thought, and goes to make another cup of tea)

Gerrof my land!!

I am a landowner!... well renter actually, not quite so grand.
But I have my own piece of SL for the first time ever, and am now faced with what to do with it.
I decided to get a quiet place for meetings etc, that wasn't in the realm, and therefore didn't have any problems with interruptions, OOC things and rezzing objects etc
So I have rented a 'fantasy friendly' bit of land in a PG sim, and now have a blank canvas to work on.
I am limited in prims, so it will have to be simple, but I am looking forward to it immensely.
Its funny, I have been so busy with all the admin things I have been doing as speaker, that I had forgotten to have fun here.
Its nice to be allowed to be creative for myself, in my own time.
I wonder what will happen?

Time to wrap up, its cold outside

Well the snow is blanketing the ground in the realm now, and I felt it was time to find some warmer clothes for Wren.

So off we went to the SL Exchange to find something.

Now Wren is a bit fussy about what she wears. She's fairly poor, has very modest taste in clothes and wont wear fur, so we were in for a challenge.

I typed 'winter' in the women's clothing search and had a look at what came up.

Unfortunately it seems that even in the depths of winter, the residents of SL still have a yearning to wear as little as possible

The young christmassy lady pictured here, was the general theme.

Now Wren feels she might get a little frosty wearing an outfit like this, not to mention the comments she might get from her acolytes.
Although it might give them a chance to try their skills at curing hypothermia and frostbite!

Needless to say she didn't go for it. In the end we found a nice burgundy dress and a warm wool coat and cloak.

Perhaps I can convince her to try something more skimpy for the Christmas Party!

The beauty of change

Well, i'm back.
Broadband has returned and so has Everwind. I am actually quite glad I missed the whole crisis.
It seems that there was some bad feeling in the realm towards the King for leaving, and too much gossip by half. Anyway things have worked out between them now and he has come back.

Me, I went away for a while, missed it all, and came back to a world reborn.
The Realm has squashed into two sims, rather than three, but somehow it has worked.
Whoever actually manipulates the land and places the buildings etc in the realm (I am presuming its Queen Grace) has a real eye for beauty. I know its not real, its simply a computer generated world, but standing on the hill, looking at the autumn colours in the trees, listening to the sounds and catching the sparkle of the waterfall, is amazing.
Then I look up at it's started to snow! I cant tell you how excited I was (we have no snow in RL yet), it was like being a kid again. How odd that even virtual places can give you that sense of wonder in nature.

Wren

Treading softly

Although I am still not able to get back to my second life, I have been hearing vague rumours via email and IM’s that all is not well with the virtual world.
It seems that Everwind has been going through a crisis.
The King and Queen of the realm (the sim owners) have split up, and the King has taken half the world away with him!
Its yet another thing which underlines how unreal it all is, and fragility of the place. That a King can leave his kingdom, and actually take it with him, mountains, rivers, buildings, the lot... It takes a bit of getting used to.
I had just begun to get a real feel for the place, to find a role for Wren and begin to think on how to forge out a permanent place, and now..??
I guess the whole of second life is like that, dynamic, changing, creative and destructive at the same time, that's what makes it unique.
Its like the people who make it, like the thoughts in their head, a virtual representation of their dreams, fantasies and in some cases nightmares. Its unlike anything I've ever come across, and that's what intrigues me.
Hopefully Everwind will continue, and by the time I return things will have settled down.
If not then I guess I can go find someone else's dreams to wander around in.
Don't worry I’ll tread softly!

Its funny how things works out (or not)

Its ironic. I started this blog, primarily to chat about my experiences in Second Life. And now I cant get in!!
Due to a clerical error on the part of my telephone provider, British Telecom, my home phone was cut off. (they thought I was moving house, which I am not) After a week of huge stress, I finally have my phone back, but now my internet provider has cut my broadband. Due to the line being re- connected they cancelled my contract and I cant get broadband back for 7 to 10 days. So its back to slow-slow dial up, and this means that Second life is out of bounds.
I usually inhabit the Realm of Everwind, a fantasy roleplaying sim, and was really looking forward to the grand ball at the castle, which was held last night.
But sadly 'wren'derella couldnt attend, thanks to the big bad fairy that is BT. (*sigh*I bought a new dress and everything!!)

One thing that this whole episode has made clear to me, is how much I depend on the internet in my life.
It was quite shocking.
I bank online, I do much of my work admin/emails etc online, I book train tickets, use maps to find the schools I visit, look up facts and figures, order things, buy presents on ebay, etc.. etc.. and when thats all done I spend much of my spare time playing my part in Everwind.
Its strange to think that this hunk of metal, wires and electricity, plays such a big part in my life.
But I suppose its more than just that, its a portal to all the people, places and services that I need...the wires simply connect us.

And so it begins...

After reading someone elses blog, I thought I would start this one up.
I get alot out of reading another persons thoughts, and felt this might be a place to air some of my feelings, musings and the like.
I have no idea if anyone will read it, or if i will keep it up, but its worth a try